I was having a shower yesterday morning and then the Lord suddenly said to me, “lust is sexual anger”…

It made sense…

When we grab sexual fulfilment for ourselves we do so because of anger of not being given the sexual fulfilment we believe we deserve…

I asked the Lord a question, “What is the sexual fulfilment which my new self ‘deserves’?” and the Lord’s response was that every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of lights who does not change like shifting shadows…

If the Lord gives us something then it is something which our new self ‘deserves’ – deserves isn’t a good word with respect to our new self – we get what He gives us and we can’t get any more or any less than He has decided to give us and everything which He does decide to give us has nothing to do with what we do or do not do – He has decided to give it and it is His prerogative to give it…

But everything He decides to give we need to be able to ‘move on’ to the next thing which He gives us…

The good works which He prepared beforehand for us to walk in are released by His good works which He performs in our lives as “we love because He first loved us”…

Our flesh believes that it deserves things and our flesh is deceived as all it deserves is to burn in the lake of fire and brimstone for eternity…

Fortunately for us our flesh died with Christ – those who have been enabled to appropriate this for ourselves – and has already suffered God’s wrath over its behaviour in Jesus on the cross when He was made sin on our account…

That is why God can’t punish us now for our acts of sin in our flesh as we’ve already been punished and fled for mercy under His Blood…

Trust is the anecdote to lust, the truth will set you free…

When we know that God holds our happiness (in this area) in His Hand and will release true love to us in the sexual area in His timing we see that no one (other than the person He has chosen to meet this need in us) has anything to offer us there…

No one…

God is very particular about who He chooses to love us – His own…

No one who does not know Him can offer us anything in this sexual area…

He wants us to know unconditional love inside of marriage…

This extends and is climaxed in the sexual area where He wants husbands and wives to experience sexual intimacy in a ‘love is not self seeking’ fashion which only they know about – in exclusivity, i.e. not blogged about or discussed in some ‘reality TV’ type way but just between those two unique human beings – a very exclusive relationship or given-ness and love – which is not self seeking…

Our new self is created to receive love and to give love…

This is its purpose…

God pours in His love either directly or through others and then once received that love stimulates us to pour out love to others and also back to the Lord…

The Lord told me a few weeks ago that He doesn’t pour out love on me so that I will love Him in return but so that I will be able to receive more and more and more of His love…

He also told me that He doesn’t pour out love on me because of my call – but because He loves me…

He just loves…

My heart hasn’t been able to receive this yet – I’ve been blinded in this area of understanding – I know it’s true but I haven’t been able to receive it in my heart – He loves me because He loves me not because of my gifts or abilities – which in my experience on a human level is always why people have loved me and wanted to be my friend – but because He genuinely loves me and has chosen to be my friend even though there is nothing about me (my flesh) which is lovable and I find in myself no shortage of disbelief towards His love – the love which He has offered me is unconditional – according to His Word He will deliver to me everything He has promised – whether I believe it or not He will do it – He has told me this and it comforts my heart – left to me nothing would happen – I am so slow to believe His Word to me – yes, when I’m under the Anointing I’m fine – but after that ‘wears off’ and I’m left in ‘silence’ for awhile then I begin to doubt…

I really related to the disciples who went back to their fishing instead of going to the mountain which Jesus told them to go to…

I’ve ‘been there’ – just recently…

When the Lord told me that there was nothing left to do and all I had to do was wait something died in me – my control died – I felt like there was nothing more that I could do to progress things and I didn’t know what to do – I found myself ‘kicking back’ into what I used to do – I just couldn’t ‘stop’ completely – the ‘silence’ and the ‘waiting’ were deafening…

It was then that He reminded me of something which He’d said to me while I was in Manila…

“There is nothing you can do to make it happen and nothing you can do to stop it happening”…

He then reminded me of something else He’d said to me after this in Manila…

“Do not strive in My Presence, do not resist My Holy Spirit”…

And I admitted to Him – just last night – that I couldn’t do this either – I couldn’t stop striving in His Presence and I couldn’t help but to resist His Holy Spirit…

That broke something in me – a deeper rest is now being experienced by me – deeper and deeper rest is my birth right because He has promised this to me – nothing to do with me – everything to do with His promise…

In Manila He also told me, through my new self, “covetousness is wanting anything which the Lord hasn’t given me”…

This links to His definition of lust, “lust is sexual anger” as wanting sex when the Lord hasn’t given it to us is covetousness and has with it anger that it can’t have what it wants…

It will do all it can to ‘earn’ what it wants but when it’s told it can’t earn it – it just does not know what to do…

That’s what I’ve been going through…

A loss of control…

A deeper loss of control…

And a ‘learning’ to trust God at a deeper level – all we have is His Word to us…

Love You Lord…

Andrew