The Lord told me to read “Where to from here” this lunch hour and now to blog again on confession…

I’m going to be quite honest in this post…

The “Where to from here” post which I blogged ‘back in the day’ scares me…

It scares me because I have had experiences of being misunderstood in the church…

It scares me because of the way people (I have seen) mistreat others who have been honest about what remains in them from their ancestors – maybe from traumatic experiences they have had or even maybe from a point of control which entered their lives when they were children – things which children really don’t know how to handle – I had one of these enter me when I was a child – I think I’ve blogged on that previously…

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been a pretty messed up person and the Lord has shown me this and so I guess I have quite a bit of empathy for others who are walking through brokenness…

I haven’t experienced that level of empathy from anyone else (back the other way – or I don’t feel that I have anyway)…

I’m just being honest…

So I’ve been in the position of being a listening ear to others and but having no one (this is what it’s felt like to me) who can really ‘handle’ listening to me (who I feel safe with) – except the Lord…

I have tried to talk to others…

Every time I have opened up I have been attacked (this is how it’s felt)…

Maybe not directly by them but by their subsequent silence or by a loss of relationship following the ‘open sharing’…

I am not blaming those ones I’m just saying that it is lonely to ‘walk alone’ in those situations (I have experienced this – I am not ‘making this up’)…

How do you find people who you know that you can trust to share the intimate details of your life with?

Only the Lord can make this happen…

We can’t ‘find’ these people – we can’t…

But the Lord does ‘draw us together’ with these ones…

It is possible to be so ‘open’ with someone and for someone to be so ‘open’ with you that you each become an extension of each other…

I know this…

And it is very beautiful…

I have experienced this in the spirit (the spiritual realm) – I have yet to experience it in the natural…

This is where the Lord is taking us – as those who belong to Him…

An understanding of our new creation…

An understanding of sin which dwells in me…

An understanding of who we are in Christ…

An understanding that sharing your besetting sins with others is normal and not somehow scary – whether you’re on the sharing or the receiving end…

I see this in my spirit – this is the breakthrough which the Lord is calling His Church to…

A longing in our hearts to ‘come clean’ – at least to one other member of His Body – to come clean and experience the healing of James 5:16…

I have this longing…

I have come clean – I believe I’ve shared all the ‘hidden shame’ in my life – well nearly all – with a sister and a couple of brothers – and another couple of brothers another time – I’ve shared a lot of it with my wife also – as much as she could handle – I’m getting better at that with my wife – we’re a lot more open now with each other than we used to be…

I have come clean and I have experienced a level of freedom but some of my ‘coming clean’ didn’t work because those I ‘came clean’ to weren’t able to handle my sharing – this has been a common theme – as I look back none of them (it appeared and still does appear to me) really knew how to handle it and I didn’t feel as ‘released’ as I should have been (this is the way I feel and I know I am ‘right’ in this – they may see things differently – I’m not sure)…

This just makes me more keen than ever to see this as a ‘safe’ reality for the Body of Christ – I know the Lord has ‘put this on me’ – to really champion this – as it is strongly on my heart – both for myself to ‘come clean’ and be released – in that James 5:16 way – and for others to ‘come clean’ and be released in that James 5:16 way…

There is no pressure in this – it’s as the Lord leads…

Somehow ‘church’ always seems to put pressure on things…

I don’t know why that is but those religious spirits and control spirits just seem to hang around ‘church’ to try and ‘stuff up’ what God is wanting to do – this will change…

‘Church’ will be a free place after the “Where to from here” picture or vision is realised in the Church…

I am convinced that this culture is what is lacking in the Church…

The leaders of the Church should be those who are open about their failings – not flaunting their failings but open about their failings – I’m finding it uncomfortable even typing this as I know the spotlight falls on me to do this before I can expect anyone else to do it – even expecting anyone else to do it is wrong – ouch!!!

So yes, the spotlight is falling on me…

I pray Lord for a friend – someone who is really my friend – who I can share these things with – someone who will be able to walk with me through all my failings – You know them all Lord – they are not hidden from You – You know them all – but someone – a human being who I can walk through this process with – model this process with so I can establish it on this earth and so that Your Church will be able to model it to each other…

I pray for this person Lord – You know who they are – bring this person to me Lord so that I could be honest with them and they could be honest with me and we could model this process for Your Church…

You know everything Lord and You know that I need this to progress – I can’t progress – in the natural – without this…

Please give this to me Lord…

Give this person a knowledge that they are able to handle what I will share…

Give me a knowledge that I’ll be able to handle what this person shares…

Give us both a peace to share whatever You want us to share – everything Lord…

Let it all ‘come out’ – all of it…

And let it be mutual…

And once this process is modelled let it be released in Your Church…

This is what I need Lord – I’ve been talking to You – You know all things about me – You know my heart – please give me this Lord – I’m not asking for condemnation – I’m not asking for ‘false advances’ – I’m asking for a true soul mate who I can share all these things with – I’m not asking for a soul tie – I am asking for a kindred spirit – a soul mate – like David and Jonathan – whose love was better than the love of women…

You know what I mean Lord…

I’m giving this to You…

Raise this up for me Lord – and for this other person – and raise this up for every member in Your Church – I’m not talking about going to a priest to confess – I’m not talking about that – I’m talking about true disclosure of the heart – literally opening your heart to another person – another person who you trust – who you trust in the Lord – opening and disclosing your heart – letting them see exactly what is inside it and them letting you see exactly what is inside theirs…

Complete disclosure and complete openness and complete acceptance by both because the Lord has worked this acceptance – this revelation of acceptance – in their hearts…

This is what I’m seeking Lord – please give this to me…

Love You Lord…

Please give this to Your Church…

Knit the souls of the specific members of Your Church (who You have chosen to be knit together like David and Jonathan were) together Lord – knit them together and let the unity be established in Your Church as You knit more and more and more of the members of Your Church together…

Love You Lord…

I see this…

I see this happening…

I Thank You in advance for what I see – I know that You are enough and I know that You have heard my prayer for unity and intimacy – heart intimacy – with Your Body – Your Church – one with the other – that we would all be one as You have chosen that we be in this chosen generation…

Love You Jesus…

Cover me always with Your Blood and that alone,

Let Your Peace cover us all – lead us all I pray Lord with Your Peace to guide us…

I see this – that this will happen…

Thank You Lord,

Andrew