I feel to speak about relationships…
The Lord showed me (as a man) that there were five possible relationships for me with a member of the opposite sex (a female)…
These were (1) father, (2) brother, (3) friend, (4) husband & (5) lover…
These are in increasing levels of intimacy…
This is what I believe…
Following on from my post on divorce & re-marriage and speaking to those who find themselves in a position where they can’t re-marry but must remain single until their estranged spouse dies (to be freed from the law of the husband or visa versa the law of the wife – it’s the same thing) – I believe I have some wisdom from the Lord (through what He has taken me through – I’ve been interceding and learning through this – learning about life – I feel I have identified with this situation through my own life experience)…
Anyway for the one who has repented before the Lord or accepted this position – even if others do not understand – it’s like a “life sentence” – there’s no way out – you still have emotions and feelings and still long to be held and loved and esteemed and respected and valued and yet you are “locked up” – you can’t “get out” – you are “out of bounds” – like a “leper” in some ways because you are “damaged goods” and no one (who is following God’s word) can “touch you” – I know what you are going through – I feel your pain…
There is an answer…
To wait on God…
Start by being a father to whomever the Lord places across your path (or a mother if you are a female) – start with this…
Next ask the Lord to give you a brother relationship (or a sister relationship) where you can be a brother to a member of the opposite sex and learn what that means – there is no sexual interest in being a brother to a sister in the Lord…
None whatsoever – “in absolute purity” – Paul tells Timothy…
As you do both these things – the “roadblocks” or “stumbling blocks” will begin to manifest themselves in you – you’ll see that you want “more” than just being a father or being a brother and you will have an opportunity to offer up your “wanting more” to the Lord – I have been there – I know of what I speak…
Next ask the Lord to give you a friend who is a member of the opposite sex…
A friend is a deeper level of communication where you share what is important to you and yet there is no physical intimacy – there may be plutonic hugs – but there are no kisses… 🙂
See how you handle that – do you still want more?
If you do give this to the Lord – He is healing you through this process – keep giving it to the Lord until you know you are free to give to this friend without seeking anything in return – this is the process I’ve been walking through…
True friendship is closer than brotherhood – there’s a verse in Proverbs which says this…
True friendship is selfless and has no care for itself…
Once you “walk through” these levels, fatherhood, brotherhood, friendship if the Lord sees that your heart is pure then He is able to bring back your estranged spouse or remove them from this earth so that He can give you a husband and lover relationship if this is His will…
You may find at the end of the friendship process when you’ve learnt to be a true friend that He gives you the eunuch gifting – that He enables you – like the Apostle Paul – to be a eunuch for the sake of the Kingdom – where you don’t desire to progress into the husband and lover relationship areas – if He doesn’t – if after you’ve surrendered everything there is still a desire in you to know a husband and lover type relationship and you know you’ve surrendered it to the Lord and asked Him to remove it from you – then at this point you can be assured that the Lord will provide for you in some miraculous way…
Maybe He will bring back your estranged spouse – but as scripture says in 1 Corinthians 7 how do you know whether you will win your unbelieving spouse (or even your believing one – God is Sovereign in the lives of His own also)?
How do you know? God is Sovereign – it’s up to Him at the end of the day…
If after all your intercession – laying your life down, etc, etc, and choosing them – even if they are not willing or are even living with another person – if after all this – you still feel nothing for them and have no assurance from God that they will be saved – then you can know that the Lord will not act to re-unify you with that estranged spouse…
And if He isn’t going to act then one of two things will happen…
Either He will take that one home (or remove them from this earth) if they are hindering the completion of His will in your life or He will enable you to live as a eunuch until they are taken home (or removed from this earth)…
Either of these outcomes will know His blessing and His provision – surrender ensures provision…
Surrender to His will ensures provision – as soon as we surrender we have the provision…
I have tasted what it means to be a husband and what it means to be a lover – I am very inexperienced but I have tasted this and the Lord has given me promises of this – I’ve seen the future so to speak (well I have) and I know that I will enjoy these relationships in the future…
The Lord is a Husband to us and the Lord is also our Lover…
The Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) is a beautiful book in scripture showing us the depths – the possible depths of our love with the Lord but also of our love with our beloved (our wife or our husband) on earth in the Lord – only in the Lord – only in submission to His will and with Him living through us – no other way – only in waiting and only in submission…
He will move heaven and earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are completely His – nothing will stand in their way – even if your situation appears hopeless – to achieve the deepest longings of our hearts – once those longings are surrendered to Him – if those longings survive the fire then they will be honoured by the Lord – no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly…
So are we going to wait?
The surest way to see our heart is to give ourselves in father (mother), brother (sister) and friend relationships to members of the opposite sex (I am speaking from a place of heterosexuality here) and see what remains in us which needs to be purified…
The deepest pleasure is there for those who will submit and believe – no matter what their past is – that the Lord has the best and will work all things together for good to those who love Him (wherever you’ve been He will take you from there and give you the best from here on out) – the path of surrender is the path of the resurrection – impossible situations made possible – miracles happening – never forget the miracles – never stop believing – never stop trusting God for the resurrection and the miracles – they are just around the corner – after the waiting – the pain of the waiting – comes the joy of the sacrifice – the joy of the sacrifice is where you see the fulfilment of the longing, the vision, the hope – the deepest desires of your heart – being fulfilled – delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart…
If you read this and rejoice but despair and say, “how could I ever get there?” don’t despair cos I’ve thought that too and I’ve despaired and still do sometimes – but know that He is taking me there – don’t deal in absolutes with respect to your heart – go with your deepest heart’s desire – this is what you want isn’t it? – don’t listen to the nagging doubts or the “you can’t possibly do that” voices which hold you back – go with your faith – no matter how small it is and let God sort out your unbelief…
Love you,
Andrew
a house of prayer for the nations 
Further to my post above the Lord showed me yesterday – as I was on my business trip – that He is my Father, Jesus is my Brother and the Holy Spirit is my Friend – that’s (1), (2) & (3) of my list above – I was amazed when He told me – I suppose it’s obvious really but I had never seen it…
The Holy Spirit is our “Friend who sticketh closer than a Brother” and Jesus is our Brother – as scripture tells us, “He is not ashamed to call them – us – brethren” – and the Holy Spirit “sticketh closer” to us than Jesus as He “abides with us forever” – on the inside – I know there’s a scripture which Jesus tells us that He and the Father will also come and live in us – but I “got it” when He showed me this…
The Holy Spirit is our closest companion – our Friend – Jesus also calls us friends – and the Father (I believe) called Abraham His friend…
Powerful stuff…
And then He said that this was all I needed…
(1), (2) & (3) was all I needed – He was sufficient – all the things I’ve been longing for in a relationship with a woman – (4) & (5) – were not necessary for me, i.e. thinking from a position of need, i.e. what a woman could offer me – in terms of (4) & (5) – these things were not necessary for me…
What I saw, what He showed me, was that He would give me (4) & (5) to show me – Him living through me – His Love for His Church and that as I loved the woman who was my wife and lover that she in turn would respond in love towards me which would show me the Churches love for Christ and how the Churches love for Christ touches His Heart…
This – (4) & (5) – would be an additional blessing for me – but not for me in the sense that I needed it – but in the sense of revealing to me the love of Christ for His Church and also the effect or impact on Christ of the Churches love for Christ – as I’d be feeling these feelings – the feelings which Christ feels when we love Him – in that spiritual intimacy of (4) & (5)…
It was very beautiful…
So whether or not you experience (4) or (5) – in the natural – is fine – I am a “lover” – in the sense that I’m a “hopeless romantic” – and I believe in “love” – that’s the way I am but God can change that overnight – if that is His will – I will be fine with (1), (2) & (3) from Him but if He leaves me as I am – which I’m sensing (well I know He will) He will – then He’ll provide (4) & (5) in the natural too – as this is a desire of my heart – to see this in action – the “intimacy” thing has always been “big” for me – I don’t know why but it has – and I believe He will give me this also…
Hopefully this “makes sense” for someone (or a group of someone’s) out there… 🙂
Love,
Andrew
(Ps. I’m sensing now that the Lord is both (4) & (5) to me in the spirit also – Praise You Jesus – Love You Lord – Thank You – I am covered)