I am yearning for friendship Father, yearning…

Longing with all my heart for friendship…

I am empty Lord and I need You to fill me…

Empty…

I have nothing…

I give to the best of my ability but it’s not enough…

It’s not fulfilling…

I want to give all the time but I also want to receive – I want to receive Your Love through others…

This is what I do not have…

And this is the aching void in my life…

I do not experience Your Love through others…

I hear Your Voice telling me that You Love me but I do not experience the reality of that through anyone else…

I want connection…

I so want connection…

Life is so empty without connection, without givenness and without sharing deeply your life with other people…

I have no outlet Lord in the natural…

No one who I can safely share my innermost thoughts with…

No one who won’t judge me…

No one who will understand…

No one who has seen what You’ve shown me…

No one to walk my path with…

I am completely alone…

I so long for friends…

I really do…

Please Lord, as I have asked You previously, please give me genuine friends…

Those who You bring into my life to walk with me so that we can encourage each other…

So that we can minister to each other…

I feel crushed…

I feel defeated…

I feel exhausted…

I cannot do what You have called me to do…

You have revealed so much to me and I can do none of it…

I am a continual failure in my own eyes…

But I know that You have forgiven me…

I know that You are working with me…

Why does it take so long?

Why do we go ‘over and over’ the same issues ‘over and over’ again?

Some things change but others just remain the same but You keep encouraging me that I will be free…

Why?

Why can’t You just set me free?

Why do I have to wait?

What is the purpose of all this waiting?

It is killing me…

I hate it…

I hate waiting…

My life feels like I’m in a state of suspended animation…

What is the purpose of this?

Take me deeper…

Don’t stop…

Take me deeper…

Establish in me Your will, whatever that is…

Worship You Jesus…

Bring me to the point of death…

To the point of submission unto death…

Deeper and deeper and deeper…

Everything of this world is empty to me – it is hollow…

It is empty…

I am not fulfilled by it…

I need You…

I need You living through me…

I need release from all selfishness…

Release me Lord…

Let me know friendship…

If it’s not possible to receive through others minister to me directly…

Please fill me with Yourself…

I am not going to lie to You, I long for connection with other human beings, deep connection…

Why have You hidden that from me?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I not ‘fit’ for others to be my friends?

What are You doing Lord?

It hurts…

And I am in pain…

Love You,

Andrew