Addictions are the things we stuff our lives full of so we can feel the feeling that we would feel if we believed and knew that we were accepted unconditionally by God…

The unfortunate thing is that these things which we stuff our lives full of don’t give us that feeling…

I know…

When I was addicted to pornography I was continually empty…

It satisfied just for a second and then the emptiness returned…

The pleasures of sin for a season…

It didn’t satisfy me continually – it wasn’t like Jesus said about those who drink of Me will never thirst again…

I am starting to experience what it is to drink of Jesus…

I surrendered just to know Him…

That’s what I wanted – I did this a few months ago now – we – He and I – (spontaneously) had afternoon tea together at a café after I dropped my youngest daughter at a friends birthday party and He took me through it…

What if He took everything away from me – would I still like to know Him?

Yes (He made me willing)…

What if I couldn’t complete what He’d always told me I could complete (in terms of my call)?

Yes (He made me willing – it was coming naturally out of my heart)…

What if I lost everyone close to me and lived the rest of my life as a single man?

Yes (He made me willing – He was enough – knowing Him was enough)…

What if the call that I’d seen was fulfilled by others and I couldn’t get any credit for it?

Yes (He made me willing – He was enough)…

As long as He was with me He was enough…

Even if all my family and those closest to me were taken from me and even if I didn’t have any intimacy in marriage, if I didn’t have a wife at all and lived the rest of my life alone – He was enough – I chose to know Him…

Why am I sharing all this?

That day was a turning point for me which He initiated – He ‘brought me up’ to that day and that surrender…

Does that make me perfect right now?

No, He’s now working through the practical ramifications of that surrender – but the surrender is good and the rest is just the outworking – it’s already happened…

But what I’m seeing is that my remaining addictions are falling off…

My fears and my worries, my checking my emails, my focus on the temporal things – it is falling off…

And I’m able to relax a lot more and just enjoy my children – enjoy their conversations with me and not see them so much as a distraction from all my other thinking that I do…

Seeing the Lord as He leads me in worship to Him on my youngest daughter’s guitar – I’ve been learning guitar this year as my piano has been in storage at my oldest daughter’s place…

All these are good things…

I haven’t set any time limits on God for when He’ll deliver me completely and make me completely like Him – I’m just happy to see Him doing it…

I don’t care what other people think of me or how they ‘judge’ or perceive my progress – I am not living in condemnation – I am happy even though I do feel sadness when others do not receive me…

But this is their choice – and the Lord allows people to make choices and honours these – although He never gives up on any of His own – He will make them know wisdom for He desires truth in the innermost being and He will get it either on earth or with Him in heaven…

It is ultimately His choice…

And surrendering to this – taking our place in His world – gives us peace and freedom…

No one is thwarting us when we just want to know Him (just saw that now – Praise You Jesus)…

And eventually this place – taking this place – gives us freedom from our addictions…