I had a really interesting day yesterday…

Battling with self pity…

I went to bed at the end of it…

Trying to give it to the Lord…

Then during that time I had a vision…

This will be hard to explain but I’ll try…

I saw myself in a prison – it was a cage – it was square – a square box…

My cage was inter-related to other cages (but there was no one else in my cell – all the cells were singular in the vision last night).  All the bars were vertical like in prison cells on movies…

There were these forearm length metal boxes which were being transported between the cages – the prison cells (they definitely came from outside the prison cells and were from the Lord – independent they were) – and were somehow delivered through a chute or slot in the roof of the cell…

This is the weird part…

The cages were of the Lord…

Every one of us – who knew Him – were in one of these prisons and we couldn’t get out – it was our protection not to be able to get out – yes, weird, I know…

And these metal boxes which were delivered and we had no control over when they would be delivered or how often – these metal boxes which were about forearm long (slightly less) but quite narrow and skinny contained love – they contained love from the Lord but it was delivered through a human messenger…

Although in the vision no human entered the cell it was invisibly delivered like on a conveyor belt which you couldn’t see – there was no visible means that these metal boxes could be delivered but sure enough they were dropped into the cells randomly – like I said – when you didn’t know that they were coming…

I was in my cell – I knew exactly what He was telling me because of what I’d been going through…

I’ve chosen to be a slave of Christ but my flesh is still dying (practically)…

I’m readjusting to life His way…

He has complete control of my life…

I only get love from Him through other human beings when He choses to give it – not when I want it or when I need it – or think I need it – I am walking this now…

As I sat hopelessly in my cell – which He has ordained for my protection – I was completely alone…

This is the way it is meant to be in our walk with Him – completely alone with Him (on the inside)…

I wanted to have love given to me from others – but I had no control over when this would happen or even whether it would happen…

I saw that He – the Lord – had complete control of every life – of every experience which every life would ever experience – it was for our protection so our flesh could not get its way…

He controls us for His own Glory and for our good…

And what I learnt in my cage was that He was Sovereign – in complete control – and it enabled me – this morning – to submit…

There’s nothing I can do about it – any effort to solicit love for myself is control and He is resisting it – just as He resists pride…

He is resisting it…

He gives us our portions in the appointed or allotted time…

Only He does…

There were two significant people in my life…

In this vision…

I saw each of them as one of these metal boxes of love – I saw that they were each in their box and there was nothing they could each do to give love to me – nothing…

Only as enabled and empowered and liberated and freed and empowered (I’ve said that already) by the Lord could they minister love to me – only then – and only in His timing – anything else they would give me would not be from Him – it would be cajoled or forced and this would not benefit me or them – I saw that they both were released in their new selves only to the measure that He has released them – and that they were both pure in their new hearts and yet weren’t released to love me the way that I really wanted them to – in their time – they weren’t – and yet they were both pure – and I stood and watched this (or maybe I was sitting down in my cell – don’t know – I was actually lying in bed in reality) and saw that they were both pure and all my expectation towards them left…

I see now that in this place all is about the Lord – I saw this last night – no one can be a substitute for the Lord for me – yes, He will give me packets of joy – implosions of love – He will minister to me but it will always be Him – always be Him – I can love and appreciate others but it will always be Him – I saw that our new selves were useless – I don’t say that in a derogatory way – but they were useless in the fact that they could see things but couldn’t do things, “Apart from Me you can do nothing”, as Jesus said…

My new self could see all these things – as could these two other people (as the Lord released wisdom to them – they didn’t see some things which I could see – I saw that – and that was OK) but we couldn’t do them until He released it and that’s OK…

I feel released…

Self pity manifests where we feel hard done by, “woe is me” – I was feeling that last night…

I’m good again now…

Love You Lord…

Thank You…

Andrew