This post really links in to a previous post “Mysteries”…
The Holy Spirit has been painfully showing me some things in the last day which have really “blown my mind”…
I never knew these things – maybe you did – but I didn’t…
When He told me yesterday I was in shock…
I felt like Daniel must have felt when he was “appalled” after his visions…
I felt like that – I didn’t have any visions – it was just what He was telling me…
There are decisions in front of me…
The Lord told me that one of them was “the better” (the good) and the other was “the best”…
The life of Paul was brought to me…
The Lord had showed this to me previously but the penny had never dropped until yesterday…
I won’t go into the specific choices which are in front of me but what He showed me really “rocked my world”…
For Paul had decided to sail past Ephesus so that he would not have to spend time in Asia; for he was hurrying to be in Jerusalem, if possible, on the day of Pentecost. (Acts 20:16 NASB)
For Paul had decided…
For he was hurrying…
“And now, behold, bound in spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. (Acts 20:22-23 NASB)
After looking up the disciples, we stayed there seven days; and they kept telling Paul through the Spirit not to set foot in Jerusalem. (Acts 21:4 NASB)
Paul was told “over and over” it would seem “not to set foot in Jerusalem” by the Holy Spirit through “the disciples” (the brethren)…
Agabus then stood up and said the following…
“This is what the Holy Spirit says: ‘In this way the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.'” (Acts 21:11b NASB)
Something changed there – the Holy Spirit was warning Paul “not to set foot in Jerusalem” and then – in this word from Agabus – the Holy Spirit – respecting Paul’s choice to go anyway – said, ‘In this way the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles’…
Wow…
This is what I saw and it really saddened me…
The Holy Spirit will tell us “over and over and over” not to do something – I’m not talking about sin here I am talking about a decision which we need to make – I am not talking about sin here – and if we won’t listen to Him then He will “change tack” and accept our choice and “work with it” – but there is pain involved…
He isn’t happy – I experienced this yesterday – I didn’t “stuff up” but I very nearly did – He was angry with me and He told me so (it felt a bit like Moses I guess when the Lord got angry with him)…
He had been telling me “over and over and over” – I email myself my conversations with God (as I don’t have anyone else to email them to and don’t feel them appropriate for anyone else anyway as they are personal) – I get out my heart before the Lord and He talks back to me in these emails which I email myself – it gets it all out – a certain thing which I was to wait for – and telling me a certain thing and I just couldn’t wait and I had these “other desires” coming up – which He seemed to be honouring and I was confused…
As I biked over somewhere to do something He began speaking to me and I saw how His plan had changed…
Or was changing…
This happened to me when we went to Dubai – He only gave peace at the last minute and it was a “belated peace” – like He allowed it but He wasn’t happy about it – and I don’t want this to happen ever again – the pain which I went through when that happened was “unbearable” – it was horrible – and I don’t want that repeated…
I need to continue to wait…
And I saw that if we resist Him – the Holy Spirit – when He speaks His “best” for us – no matter how impossible His best seems – and no matter how much we struggle to believe it – or even to believe that it is even possible – even though I’ve told Him how much I’m struggling to believe that it is even possible – then He will “change His plan” and give us something else – still better (the good) than anything else in our current locality or setting but not as good (not to the same level – “second best” was the word He used regarding this potential choice) as the best which He has prepared for us…
I saw that He had “the best” prepared – and it’s completely impossible for me to “achieve it” – He held it out to me so to speak and I saw it – and as I biked I chose it – the best – even though it brought me a lot of pain (what He said to me was, “What do you really want Andrew?)…
And He brought back that story with Paul which He’d given me understanding on previously so I could choose…
We limit ourselves…
We limit what we are capable of achieving in God’s Hands…
I am thinking of someone as I write…
I know this person is limiting themselves…
They know God’s will for their lives but just aren’t able to believe it…
I know what this feels like – it’s “impossible” and it feels “wrong” but it isn’t – and they know “deep down” that it isn’t…
The Lord spoke to me about this person also yesterday that if they weren’t willing to complete His “best” for them that He’d have “something else” for them but they would know for the rest of their life that they’d “turned up (or down)” “the best” (I feel such pain) for what they were now experiencing…
This “crushed” me also…
I just can’t do that…
At the end of the day I only want God’s best for my life…
If it means that I don’t have anything and look really stupid waiting for it I’d prefer this to “hurrying” and trying to “get things under control” again – I can’t do this – I just can’t…
I hope this sharing is making sense to someone who is reading…
Or a number of “someone’s”… 🙂
Holy Spirit please protect us from resisting You – please protect me from resisting You – I never want to resist You again…
Take over Holy Spirit – live through me…
Your will be done – Your “best” be done in my life – I choose it – whatever it is…
Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. (Psalm 32:9 NIV)
(The Lord reminded me of this verse yesterday also – I’m so like the horse or the mule – it’s not funny… 🙂 )
I can’t “wait” but You in me can and I give You permission to “wait” in me – I give You permission to create “waiting” in me… 🙂
I am sorry for hurting You Holy Spirit…
I am sorry for making You angry with me yesterday…
I know Your love – I am sorry…
I understand what You are doing and I agree that it is necessary that I walk through this…
You will protect me – protect my decision yesterday Lord…
Thank You… 🙂
Bless You Lord…
I love You,
Andrew
a house of prayer for the nations 
I know what you’re talking about and my heart wants to spend the rest of my time on this earth doing only what the Holy Spirit leads me to do!
Amen Cindy, we are “together” on this one – help us Lord… 🙂
The verse which comes to mind after posting this response is Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30 NASB)
I saw that I hadn’t believed what He had told me and was going on this “trip” (on my bike) in direct disobedience (the purpose behind the trip) to what He’d just told me in one of my “email exchanges” with Him and He’d ended the email exchange with “I, the Holy Spirit have spoken these things to you” – and it showed me that even though it was in my heart to go on this “trip” (on my bike) He wasn’t happy about it and He told me, He told me He was angry with me…
I had a sleepless night last night – woke up early and was praying – and we (He and I) got it “sorted out” – it was to do with my future and His will for my future – my will being what I could achieve and His being what only He could achieve and leaving me in a “helpless” “waiting” position…
We’re “good” now as He knows that I’ve surrendered to His will for my (His) future and not mine and I’m not trying to “make a home for myself” “here” where I am…
I’m at peace – thank you for praying for me if you did – I needed it – and still need it – today is a “big” day also (without going into all the details)…
Love you,
Andrew
Will be praying, thanks for the post.
His will be done! Love you, Cindy
I’ve “moved on” from that situation now Cindy, Thank you for your prayers – I feel “released” – it’s good to share, Love, Bless you, Andrew… 🙂